4th of September

we drove down the expressways
in the sunny Sunday morning light
after breakfast at a coffeeshop
and laughter at our table

taking a turn into the columbarium
to commemorate
not celebrate
mummy's 42 birthday

i almost forgot how old she would be
if not for the fact
that she will always be
20 years older than me

a lone plastic lily
sitting in the tiny metal vase
attached to the side
of my mum's marble home

she stays alone there
every single day
when we visit her
i wonder if she's ok

does she smile when she sees us
prancing around her tomb as if she's alive
talking to her about our recent happenings
showing her how we've lost/gained weight

did you like the flower arrangement?
we picked the flowers for you
daddy, damien, nash and i
the pinks, the whites and the forget-me-nots

sometimes i wish she still had a phone
so we could call and talk
even if just to say hi
it would be quite nice

alas her existence is confined
to that urn of ashes and bones
no hugs
no naggings anymore

i think this is what they mean
by you won't know what you have
until you lose it
and i've lost her forever

happy birthday, mummy.
may you be happy up in heaven.